Whirling in circles,

thoughts race through my mind

like I'm stuck in the spin cycle.

I thought I knew better,

believed I had learned from this.

Yet here I am again turning,

and twisting my words,

might as well take a book

and hollow out its pages–

rendering them useless.

Why do I do this.

Repeatedly committing

to this insanity that robs me of peace.

Oh man, why does it have to be

charcoal filtered;

it stings like lemon juice

in fresh splinters.

Paper cuts on my fingertips

that you drown

in overproof whiskey.

I hear a fizzing before

everything fades

to black then blue.

Is this the brand new me

or a recycled carbon copy?

A never before seen silhouette

or the same old ghost I used to be.

I just can't keep up,

racing against the clock

like it means anything.

Progress will not be forced,

it cannot be reproduced.

All the plastic in the ocean,

and I'm still more artificial.

Will this old, rust coloured bicycle chain

wear away so it finally can be replaced?

Because I swear I keep changing gears

and somehow still end up running late.

These wings on my back are just for show.

The horns inside my head continue to grow.

I cleared all the cobwebs.

Buried the skeletons in my closet.

But my demons remain.

They refuse to fade away.

These ghouls delight in my downfalls,

they applaud every single time I fail.

Snickering sheepishly,

bearing the sharpest teeth

from their seats in the audience,

they take pleasure in

watching me tumble from ecstasy,

landing face-first in what's left of me.

Beads of sweat dance on my forehead,

I stop to catch my lost breaths.

The room becomes a merry go round,

that has been hijacked by a bloodthirsty clown.

Vertigo takes control of me,

I collapse from anxiety.

Stuck in this funhouse maze,

my own distorted reflection

stares back at me in judgement.

White gloves reach through the walls

pulling me in every direction.

Suddenly chastised for patterns.

Through stagnating I gave my future

the kiss of death.

Through bated breath,

I accepted the consequence

for failing to progress.